Title: In the Most Inappropriate Places
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Due South
Pairing: F/K
Summary: Welsh Point of View. Not much else.
Warnings: Crossdressing, slash
author notes: Written for out_of_con_txt with the prompt of
19. Fraser/Kowalski "You two stick out like a sore fucking thumb." submitted by shoemaster
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Lieutenant Welsh looked up from the report he had just received from Vice and rubbed the bridge of his nose. All he had to do was assign this case, but all of his detectives had an average of seven cases more than the reccommanded caseload.
Shrugging his shoulders to try and relieve some tension, he looked into the main part of the office just as Kowalski pushed his chair back hard enough to knock it to the floor. He watched as Kowalski drew his arm back, made a fist and started to swing at Vecchio. If those two had enough time to fight, then they had enough time to work on a new case.
He made himself a fresh cup of coffee as he walked to the door of his office.
"Vecchio, Kowalski, I don't want to remind you two that you are not to fight my bullpen. I don't care what you do on your time, but right now, you are on my time. As such, and if it isn't too much of a strain for you two, I would like you both to come to my office. And if you thought that was a suggestion, I would think again," he bellowed before sitting back down at his desk. His cup of coffee turning cool in his hand.
Looking like two contrite schoolboys, the detectives joined Welsh in his office, but not with pushing each other a bit first.
Kowalski shrugged his shoulders as he stood at attention, attempting to smile disarmingly. "Come on Lieu, you know Vecchio and me don't mean anything by the fighting. We're just bonding, like you and Frase wanted."
"Is that right Detective Vecchio?"
Vecchio turned and glared at Kowalski before answering, "Of course it's right. We all know Stanley wouldn't lie about anything important, right Stanley?"
Kowalski scowled as he replied, "What Vecchio said, Lieutenant."
"Glad to here it, since I'm assigning you two a new case. Seems someone is going after transvestites. The details are in the file. Consider all your other cases otherwise covered until this is solved. And have the Mountie help you," Welsh commanded, as he handed the case file to Vecchio. He just knew he was going to need more than one bottle of aspirin to get through this week.
A week went by, and he continued to observe the two detectives and the Mountie. All three of them were showing the strain of the case, especially when one of the transvestites turned out to have dual citizenship with Canada, and Fraser was assigned officially by the new inspector as a liaison.
Still, the three officers had yet to find a likely perp. He knew they had found the common links between all of the murders, a little known trannie support group. The problem with that was attempting to get the information from the organization, which had brought them to this point.
Detectives Vecchio and Kowalski had suggested to having someone go undercover into the group. Only problem was finding two volunteers to go undercover. No one was willing to volunteer, so as chief detectives on the case, the two were assigned the task. Seeing Vecchio and Fraser both in skirts had almost made his ulcer worth it.
On the other hand, he had been shocked to realize that the woman who had arrived to help Vecchio with the Catholic school was really Fraser. Who knew that the Mountie was a crossdresser?
He stood up and opened the door enough to be able to 'accidentally' overhear the conversation the three were having. He smiled at the somewhat typical conversation, but for the skirts.
"Ray, Ray doesn't look that bad in a skirt," Fraser was saying with long suffering patience infusing his voice.
"Frase, the man has bony knees, no confidence in himself, and the wig totally doesn't go with his complexion. So like I said, you two are gonna stick out like a sore fucking thumb if you go in together. I mean, damn Frase, but not even your voice gives you away as a man. And how the hell did you learn to put on make-up? Cuz you even did Vecchio's."
"Well, I had an uncle who was, to be frank, less than sane. According to my father, he was found dead wrapped in cabbage leaves. Anyway, when I was younger, my grandparents used to ask him to watch me when we lived near him. He taught me how to put on make-up and told me my coloring was 'winter.'"
'So your uncle taught you to dress in drag?"
"Ah, not as such. All he taught me was how to put on make-up. When I lived on Rankin Street, I used to talk to the men and women who worked there - "
"Worked as what? Prostitutes?"
"Does it really matter what they did to earn a living? As I was saying, I used to talk to them quite often when I was waiting for you to arrive to take me to work. The men, ah, "Drag Queens," as they are referenced in Chicago parlance, used to give me tips on what to wear if I ever decided to wear a dress. I could not figure out why they kept stating garters as a preference until I attempted to wear pantyhose. Those things really are a torture device."
"Wait, you dressed in drag before?"
"Yes. Ray needed help with a case so I helped him."
"You helped him by dressing in drag? And you kept the dress?"
"Yes."
"And you just happened to have kept the dress after the case was over?"
"Yes. It would have been wasteful to just throw away the dress after only using it once."
"Why you asking Benny so many questions? Kind of obvious he kept the dress since he is currently wearing the damn thing."
"Oh, I just want to know where Frase was keeping the dress."
"Oh, remember the blue uniform bag I hung up in our closet when I moved in?"
Welsh gaped at the door like a fish. How had he missed the signs that the two were, well, living together? He knew the Mountie had finally moved out of the Consulate, but he had not known he had moved in with Kowalski.
"Vecchio still looks bad in the skirt. He needs to do something about it."
"If you really think Ray looks that bad in it, why don't you wear a skirt, Ray?"
"I don't dress in drag Fraser."
"You do many things you said you do not do."
"Name one thing, I dare you."
"Well, you said you do not, ah, "go down" on other men."
"Damnit, Benny, what have I told you and Stanley about giving out details about your sex lives when I am right fucking there? I did not need to know that."
Welsh found himself silently agreeing with that sentiment.
"Fine Frase, but you fucking owe me. And you can't weasel your way out of this like you did when you foiled the armed robbery with a fucking can of tuna fish."
"Understood. However, we will have to either go to a store or borrow clothes off of Francesca."
"What? Why?"
"Ah, well, Ray is a lot skinnier than you are Ray. Also, the shape of his body is a bit different. His shoulders are less broad. Francesca's clothes should fit Ray whereas your sister's clothes would never have fit you."
"Fine."
"Also, we would still need to stop at a store since Francesca's make-up would not work with Ray's complexion. He is just too fair for it. We'll have to get lipstick in a darker pink shade plus concealer. We could use her eye liner, eye shadow and body glitter."
"No way in fuck are you putting glitter on me. No way."
Fraser laughed and leaned down to whisper into Kowalski's ear. He turned bright red and laughed nervously.
"What are we still here for? Vecchio, get the wires and the tape. Frase and I will meet you at Francesca's apartment."
"...No sex in your car Kowalski. We are using your car tomorrow for when we go trawling the snitches for info. Use the bathroom or something like normal people."
Vecchio headed towards the supply closet, muttering underneath his breath. Kowalski laughed as he grabbed Fraser's arm and started to tug him towards the door.
Welsh stared at the three departing figures from the anonymous safety of his office, or so he thought until Fraser, and wasn't that ironic, winked at the office door.
Later that night, Welsh stared at the paperwork detailing the capture of the murderer, still befuddled by the idea of Kowalski and Fraser and how appropriate they seemed together. Upon reflection, the two together pleased him.